Kids and Holidays…Naughty Time or Nice?

If you think you’re the meanest mom ever, you’re not alone. And if you’re noticing a particularly squirrely behavior pattern, you’re also, not alone. When I read I’m the Meanest Mommy Ever, I felt better. A lot better. My kids have been INSANE! The whining, the fighting , the yelling, the hooting. And, yes, like that mommyblogger, I’ve been yelling and threatening- and just plain wiped. To the kids’ defense, we’ve had visitors, gone to parties, and spent hours running around like mad people in the attempt to do all the “fun” things on the agenda.

Now, here it is, ten days out ’til Christmas and if gifts really were contingent on Santa’s judgment, we’d all be screwed. Seriously, our usual holiday highlight, decorating the tree, was more like an afternoon in a three ring circus. Everyone was in spiteful spirits and it became comical at one point. Here we are, lighting lights, hanging decorations and one kid’s down the hall, balling because he was asked to leave the room due to obnoxious behavior. A second child’s crying in the playroom because his “stupid” brother got to put the star on top. And me, I’m almost in tears because the “magic” of Christmas had evaporated.

However, sometimes you have to hit the low point to realize that there has to be a better way. In her article, she says she stopped the insanity and went sticky sweet. I’m right there, sister. And, I’m also pretty sure it’s the holiday season that makes everyone feel so crappy that they tip into “new year’s resolution” mode. I assume it’s because during the “mst wonderful time of the year” everything’s supposed to be perfect, magical and memorable. When it falls short, it adds stress and guilt and agitation. I didn’t send cards this year but now I feel bad! I forgot to plan a family portrait and now I feel guilty. The kids are hopped up on Christmas cookies and tweaking from red dye #5…and I’m yelling “sit down” or “be quiet!”. What a dynamic, right?

Still, when the magic of Christmas morning comes, everything is right with the world…that is until the fighting over toys and whining over who got what begins. And so with that in mind, I continue on trying to make this year special.

The Meanest Mommy Ever

4 Reasons Why Family Meetings Rock

What is a Family Meeting?

It’s an invite only, weekly timed meeting where everyone sits down for 15-20 minutes. We mention “appreciations” and allowance is dished out (only for those who choose to attend). It can get more involved from there, but that’s the bottom line.

Disclaimer:

Before I go on, remember-I’ve made it clear I’m no mother of the year. And my kids, they’re no angels. As I evangelize the magic of family meetings, please note my kids often shoot me with James Bond guns, call me butthead and occasionally tell me I’m “the meanest in the world.” Now that I’ve put that out there, you can trust that even dysfunctional families can benefit from a weekly meeting. Here’s how we do it in our house- and why it rocks.

1. The family cooperates.

Everyone has to work together. Why? Because anyone who attends family meeting gets an allowance at the end. According to my favorite parenting strategy- Parenting on Track- if the timer rings before the agenda is covered, nobody gets paid. See how nicely three brothers can pull together if they’re working for the $ame thing!

2. The kids learn the value of money.

For us, ALLOWANCE works like this- $1 per year of age. For example, my 3 y old gets $3/week. He has a wallet and if he asks for something while we’re out, I say, do you have your cash? Now he knows, if he doesn’t have his cash, he can’t get it…but if he does, he can buy something. This took 6 months to get him to want to come to meetings, have cash and not lose it. Now he carries a cashbox and two wallets (in a pumpkin shaped bag he calls his purse!).

3. The family practices positive communication.

In a family meeeting, everyone sits down and has to look at each other and say one “appreciation” about each family member. It’s really hard sometimes and everyone waits while the others think of something they appreciate about each family member. They aren’t allowed to give each other ideas but sometimes it happens. It’s cute to hear little brother tell bif bro he appreciates it when he shares his matchbox cars…

4. The family spends valuable time together.

Like I mentioned, we’re not perfect. We missed meetings all summer. I forget to hit the ATM and we postpone meetings when there’s no cash in the house. But still, even with the slip-ups, they always remind us…It’s Sunday tonight’s family meeting! They participate. They show up. And, even though they get their $5 or $9, they enjoy the conversation and the scheduled time focused on the familia.

Even if you gather one night a week, set a timer, say appreciations and have a big bowl of ice cream afterward, it’s a ritual the kids (and you) will likely soon come to enjoy, expect and look forward to.

Please, check out Parenting on Track for one of the most useful, real-life (and totally comical) parenting programs I’ve found.

For a detailed example, you can purchase Appreciation MP3s, here.

And trust me, I’ve listened to, read and studied many perspectives on parenting & education- from Parenting with Love and Logic to Alfie Kohn to Maria Montessori- I appreciate much of what’s out there- but I can rarely apply it! This is one we can all use! Please, feel free to create your own family meeting rituals and share them with the rest of us!